a girl, a pair of pearl earrings, a bag of chips.

bubba: uh, soapydave, what you think of this earring movie? dave: dunno, couldn't hear it over your snoring...

the scarlett johansson film fest rolled into 17th century Holland on the back of a leaky, slow boat of a flick called girl with pearl earrings.

essentially, girl with pearl earrings was about a painting by the same name and how it came to be.

the movie opened with griet, a very young flemish house maid, entering the household of malcontents led by the extremely unprolific Dutch master painter johannes vermeer (played by colin firth). griet's days were filled with the menial of tasks and dealing with vermeer's psychotic family: his wacky paranoid wife, mother-in-law-from-hell, and evil daughter cornelia who reminds me of the kid in deliverance.

eventually, she was assigned to clean vermeer's top secret studio. she and vermeer forged a relationship. one thing led to another. you'd think they be ripping each other's clothes off at some point in time. no! (lost in translation de ja vu music please).

vermeer recognized talent when he saw it. if this poor illiterate girl wasn't a slave, she'd be a great artist like me!! yes!! those clouds aren't just white. they're yellow with shades of grey. nothing's just black and white, eh. i'm not sure if this relationship blossomed or not.

vermeer was a great artist. that's all he wanted to do was paint. he had bills to pay and a wretched family to take care of. to do this he had to deal with his one and only wealthy patron, a boorish, perverted mr. van ruijven. with less than honourable intentions, van ruijven commissioned vermeer to paint his lovely assistant griet, under the nose of the paranoid mrs. vermeer.

it took a monumental effort to watch this movie to completion. lost in translation was a suspense thriller complete with car chases compared to earrings.

in terms of plot, scarlett, who gave a magnificent performance, just didn't have enough to work with. besides scrubbing floors and floating in and out her master's studio, she seemed lost most of the time.

she posed alot. that was good.

i didn't care for the supporting characters. there was nothing to like about them. they were just a nasty bunch.

the relationship between vermeer and griet just didn't seem to develop properly. i mean it didn't seem plausible. i don't think they were even friendly. vermeer seemed like a mouse compared to greit. i sensed no sizzle...not even steak. i'm sorry. it was just awkward. really.

so many contradictions... so little time.

i'm tempted to watch this movie again. then maybe not...

for now, i'm happy to report that scarlett was still quite hot. i liked that bonnet she was wearing.

rating: 5 scarlett's outta 5. for the movie: 4 snooze button hits outta 5.

next: in good company.