Thursday, June 09, 2005

i luv the home depot, i luv the home depot, i luv the home depot...





i was doing stuff today.

first, i found myself at the fish creek depot. the cue of recyclers went out the door. i hate going there. people usually snicker at me for some reason when i'm there. you see, i carry the empties in a large box. the box originally contained ultra attends. i wondering if them trailer park people are laughing at that.

second, i needed to buy dirt. so, i hoofed it over to golden acres garden centre by fish creek. the creek didn't swamp it with monsoon water. so, i was able to shop. did you know that they played canned bird chirping sounds there? how bizarre... i went up and down the aisles of tiny pots of plants. they had all kinds of plants from the 4 corners of the globe. i felt like i was at the zoo or in a giant terrarium.

third, i went over to the stupid store. i love the superstore. i love the self checkout. scanning the barcodes. hearing the beep of the scanner as i passed a 2 litre tub of nacho cheese over it reminded me of better times long ago. i chose to pay by credit card. one smooth stroke of the mastercard through the swiping machine... a flick of the wrist. ahhhh...i still got the rhythm...

fourth, i went to the cibc to buy a money order. my mum wants to remove a tree growing on top of "woo family" house in china (click here and look at photo #2). she's afraid that one it might fall and kill someone someday... she wrote the mayor of the village. it took 3 months for the guy to respond. 500 quay (chinese money) it's going to cost!!! that's 75.89 canadian dullah!!! she wanted a money order made out for 150 dullah!?! that's double... mum, are you trying to put the mayor's kids though college? yep. o' ways of the o' country never die...

fifth, i went over to my bro's house. he and the fam are in disney world... i'm takin' care of business in the meantime. they have a goldfish. i must keep it alive... i'm a good uncle...

sixth, i had to go to the home despot, i mean depot. i luv the home depot. they respect my ethnicity. well, they actually ignore me. i'm not paranoid. i need garden fertilizer. i don't believe in organically grown food. all food is organic. how can we eat something that is not chemically organic? i digress. i que up to pay for it. where do all these people come from? doesn't anyone work anymore? a chinese kid was at the till. i bet he liked scanning stuff, too... blah blah blah. thanx. cya later. as i'm walking out of the giant tent, a beautiful lily plant catches my eye. i must have it. this time there wasn't a que at the till. yeah!

the chinese kid quipped, "you back again chief?".

i stood there flabbergasted. i've never been called "chief" before.

i never felt better at a home depot.

after thought.

a house boat is swamped in the okie-noggin lake by kelowna. apparently some smart person/people decided to jam on 61 people for the full moon submarine races. the boat goes down. a passenger dies.

i thought i was reading the news from india/bangladesh.

the captain of the boat deserves a darwin award...

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Autumn says:
The girl who died was trapped in the can. Her friend said she got trapped while she was "trying to pull her pants up." What an embarassing way to die.

Mike said...

I was gonna say something along the line of "I guess she really had to go."

bubba said...

ha!

Kyle said...

They have self checkout now at superstore? I avoid that place. It makes me angry any time I go inside. Like wal-mart but even worse.

How does self-checkout work? How do they prevent you from stealing a tub of ice cream?

bubba said...

kyle,

why so angry?

well, in self-checkout the customer gets to scan in the items. there's a employee there keeping an eye out for shoplifters (and collecting coupons and crap). he/she has to "supervise" 6 checkouts.

as for cheating the system, after each scan, you have to put your item on a scale (just to make sure a tub of ice cream is in fact a tub of ice cream, by weight).

you can pay by all conventional methods. in the case of credit cards, you have to sign a tablet like pad (like signing for a ups package). dunno how they verify your signature though.

all in all, a fun time...

soapyDave said...

they have that at co-op too and it's way better than waiting in line with all the luddites.