Sunday, February 27, 2005

in hollywood, oscar is king...


i'll be baaaacccckkkkk...

well, i'm at an age where watching the academy awards is a difficult task indeed. 3+ hours was a lot of hours to waste (if you include the red carpet pre-game show). hours i can't get back...

i found myself fading in and out of consciousness during the telecast. however, i will report this partial set of astute observations:

who was that black guy in the front row they kept showing when any black guy won an oscar...

who was hot? selma hayek (stunning), beyonce (sans wardrobe malfunction -- case in point, you can look hot even if you keep your clothes on...), cate blanchette, annette bening...

who was not? antonio banderas... thought i was watching american idol during his number.

surprise loser of the night? martin scorsese.

biggest eyeglasses of the night goes to... martin scorsese. dunno if it affected his losing.

easiest way to win an oscar: make a movie about boxing... unless you're marty scorsese making "raging bull". ha! seriously, dave, my film-making friend, should make a film about an aging, overweight, balding, never-been, chinese guy who confronts his obesity in a boxing-for-fitness class. of course, he meets his love interest, andrienne (played by selma hayek), whom he spots in the classroom wall mirror... in the end he has to fight, hilary (played by zhang ziyi), the finess-class bully. dave, we should get this down on paper, eh?

most deserving winner of the night goes to... i dunno. most of the time it was comparing oranges to apples. ok, they're both fruity, but that's it...

line of the night goes to... chris rock saying "wow, they're awarding people on the stage... next year they'll probably use the parking lot."

number of times i went to the bathroom: 4 (small bladder).

most annoying preshow host: tie between brian, ahem..., ben "puhllllllese come talk to canada" mulroney and star "girlfriend" jones...

biggest ripoff: the snubbing of "saving private ryan" for picture of the year... yes, i'm still very bitter...

best low talker of the night goes to the artist formerly known as prince. speak up man!!!

most mentioned person/entity in thank you's: god. wait a minute...oops, god was the most thanked person/entity in this year's super bowl after game speeches...

least funny funny segment goes to robin williams. i couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about...i must have been unconscious.

the "my 15 minutes was up a long time ago" or "what have you done lately" award goes to: oprah winfrey. man, she had more mug time on camera than antonio banderas... what's wid dat?

i think i'm going to skip the babs' show this year... what does teri hatcher have to do with the oscars? ok, she's hot...

16 comments:

Mike said...

That black guy in the front row was none other than J. Hova, HOVI, S. Carter. You might know him as Jay-Z.

Anonymous said...

My friend refers to the Acadedmy Awards as Night at the Apollo. I refer to it as the Blackademy Awards. I'm not racist. I believe in equal treatment. So equal in fact that they should stop showboating everytime there is a black nominee or winner. I don't give a rats ass what you look like, the question is: Can you act?

And as much as I like Jamie Foxx I have to wonder if he would have won if Ray Charles hadn't passed away. Things that make you go hmmmm?

bubba said...

dear anonymous, all things being equal, you must then also disagree with the highlighting of spanish folks in the audience (eg. antonio banderas, penelope cruz) whenever spaniards (eg. best foreign film) or spanish language related (eg. motorcycle diaries) won awards.

i haven't seen "ray" yet. but i heard foxx's performance was outstanding. coupled with his outstanding performance (as reported by my friend mike) in "collateral" i suspect he's genuinely talented. but then again, one person's apple is another person's orange...

my problem was i just didn't know who that black guy was in the front row. definitely a function of my non-hip-ness. thanx for the info, mike.

qtlibrarian said...

Wait until you see my Televisionwithoutpity.com-esque recap of the show.

Also, I was the only person on the planet who hated Million $$$ Baby

bubba said...

kelsey,

it seems dave wasn't really impressed with it either...

me? haven't seen it yet. i've only seen spiderman 2.

Anonymous said...

I think Hillary's dress was on backwards...

Great idea for the script, Al. Let's get to work!

Kels- you are not the only person to hate M$B - uberclich├ęd, underlit, worst ending ever! Don't Americans know that if you're over 18 and concious all you have to do is say "unhook this machine"?

bubba said...

dear anon., oops, i guess it's a fashion foo paw (not a relative of mine) on hilary's part. you'd think for a million dollar dress, they'd have enough material for both sides. her backside looked pretty nice though...

i've run my movie idea by several people now. each has laughed and said it'd make a great comedy. well, IT'S NOT A COMEDY... comedies don't do very well, unless it's shakespeare in love, which was a joke compared to private ryan.

Anonymous said...

Al - the way you initially set it up was as a satire of M$B and satire IS comedy. You've just got to do some Hollywood-style tweaking to barely hide the fact that it's just a rip-off of something else. Although I'm wondering if we used the exact same script and shot it shot-for-shot with an asian male if Americans could tell it was a rip-off. "Hey, this reminds me of M$B." "What, are you an idiot - that movie was clearly about a white girl..."

Dave

Kyle said...

I agree with you about Ms. Hayek.

I like the film idea as well.

Dave, I doubt, what with your excellent "diversionary explanation", that most americans wouldn't realize it was a ripoff.

And, having seen exactly zero of the nominated films this year, that is all I have to say.

bubba said...

dave, like kyle, i haven't seen million dullah baby yet. but if my idea resemble's M$B's plot, it just shows the formulaic nature of contemporary american movie making. as you said, just by tweaking various story elements such as character, you could very well "rip-off" another movie (in another more blatant case, you can re-make a previous movie). whether americans will notice a ripoff is irrelevant. it seems like they like recycled ideas, enough to give them top honours like the oscar.

with regards to my movie idea, i think it would make an excellent satire. i think americans would appreciate it. case in point, i haven't seen it yet, but "desperate housewives" is supposed to be satirical in nature. it's a big hit.

however, to win the best picture prize (our goal) it's best to stick with the formula. good vs. evil, struggle, victory, etc. it's got to be dark. serious. what was the last film with any satirical content? shakespeare in love? ugh...

dean said...

I've seen "Ray". Loved it! Love Ray Charles. Jamie Foxx is talented, have you ever heard the man sing while in a serious manner? Whoa... that's good.

I prefer to record award shows and watch them right afterwards and ffwd the commercials. I actually haven't seen this year's Oscars, anyone out there record them? Does anyone ever use VHS?

bubba said...

i promise to see at least one of the nominated movies. maybe "ray" (for the muzak) and "the incredibles" (for the laughs).

i can't imagine taping the oscars. it's suppose to be THE four hours you can't get back in life... maybe dave has a copy.

dean, i know you've been away for awhile but VHS is still the way to go. it's still the cat's ass... unless you have one of those fancy tivo-type devices...

by the way, where the hell are you?

Mike said...

Al,

I highly recomend "Collateral" if you are trying to decide what movie to watch. The power of Jamie Foxx and Tom Cruise on screen was intense. But of course "Incredibles" was undenaibly wonderful.

Haven't seen "Ray" yet. I want to. But M$B is a movie I will happily ignore. Mostly because of Hilary Swank. Never liked her, never will. I was happy to see that her husband didn't break down like the last time she won. But at least he showed some emotion, unlike her.

qtlibrarian said...

I taped the Oscars this year. Kevin and I were at his comedy course grad. We drive home humming, we didn't want to listen to risk listening to the radio. We channel advanced through it and watched it commercial free.

I agree with Dean this was the way to go.

qtlibrarian said...

I taped the Oscars this year. Kevin and I were at his comedy course grad. We drive home humming, we didn't want to listen to risk listening to the radio. We channel advanced through it and watched it commercial free.

I agree with Dean this was the way to go.

bubba said...

is it true that everyone wants to be a comedian...?

the oscar commercials are second only to the superbowl's. ha!