ding dong the nhl's gone...and other irritants [UPDATE]

the state of the hockey nation address


will the real commissioner please stand up...

in this saturday night's movie night in canada line up is: "deliverance". poor ron maclean. be glad, not sad... nuff said...

UPDATE:

i finally watched "deliverance" last nite. i was up till 3 AM but it was well worth it. it totally foretold the 2005 NHL season.

essential story elements:

4 goofy white guys from georgia.
2 canoes.
1 weekend canoe trip through the appalachians.
lots of hillbillies.
1 freakish looking hillbilly boy who can play one mean banjo.
spoiler: duelling banjo music (one of the "banjoes" is actually a guitar)...
1 freakish looking hillbilly stalker...
2 mountain men.
1 gay sex scene.
1 dead mountain man.
1 dead guy from atlanta.
1 broken leg.
2 pairs of cement galoshes.
1 killer set of white water rapids.

you see how all of this is connected to the 2005 NHL season...

moral of the story: do not wear leather on a canoe trip... you'll definitely be over dressed...



why watch hockey when you can go on a disasterous whitewater canoeing trip?

conformists of the week award



was driving my nephew home this PM. while we stopped for the lrt, a massive group of "running room" joggers crossed the road dressed in their uniform hi-tech gortex jogging/biking shells trimmed with extreme reflecting tape. says jeremy, "look at all those firemen running". ha!

idiots of the week


gonna miss the cone zone...

ACCESS channel 13!. what were you thinking...? i bet you're wondering what could possibly be interesting on this channel. LATE NITE WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, that's what! why am i having a conniption you ask? they DROPPED IT from their schedule!!!! it was on at midnight vs. 1:30 in the morning on NBC!!!! i'll have to take my biz over to the daily show...

idiot of the week


"yes i am an idiot, but i can't help it"

"marriage is open to everybody as long as they're a man and a woman..."
- jason "yappy dog" kenney.

my MP... i swear i didn't vote for the guy...

big thinkers award of the week


you thought you brought a lot of baggage...

in peace talks over the disputed region of kashmir, pakistan and india, have agreed to establish bus service (yep, that's bus service) across the line of control between the two nuclear powers. beware these buses are susceptible to chronic delays and flipping over. and, by the way, watch out for chicken poop on the bus floor, eh...

hypnotist of the week



"...well, i have this golf ball autographed by a president from texas by the name of george w. bush. then i got dis ball autographed by a little man from r-kansis. let me see... that would be president bill clinton..." haha!!!! i'm gonna bust a rib, jean!!!! haha!!!! i can't breathe, jean. hahaha!!!! jean, you slay me man... get outta here...haha!!!!! damn, i forgot why the hell i'm watching this stupid gomery commission...!!!! hahaha!!!!

the "what did i say?" award of the week


what was i thinkin'?

a student on tour of the governor-general's house wondered aloud (within earshot of her majesty) if "this woman" is the one that spends money on the queen when she comes to canada. the tour guide promptly kicked the student and his entourage outta da house for dissin' the gg... well, there goes the kid's chances of attaining the order of canada. marred for life, eh. wow, them civil servants are just a bit touchy over the topic of excessive spending, eh.