Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Autumn on the Canadian Tundra, Part 4. Added bonus: Movie Review of Twilight: - Stick A Fork In Me Now!

Autumnal poplar trees in Fish Creek Park...

Movie Review: Twilight.

[Ed. note: In a feeble attempt to stay "hip" with the kids these days, I decided, clandestinely, to sign out a library copy of the mega-hit movie Twilight (I'm probably the first male patron of the Calgary Public to do so). Here entails my review of the movie Twilight...]

Where was Vincent Price?

If I was a vampire, would I be very very scary. Or, my sexiness hinder my ability to scare.

If you went to a smack down involving a vampire, would you bring A) a wooden stake or B) a purse-sized can of pepper spray?

Would a 200 year old vampire dating a high school girl be considered a dirty old vampire...?

What's scarier, a blood sucking vampire or being stuck in high school for eternity?

Bella (the female protaganist): "I know you're a vampire but can I just hang out with you?" What the hell? Give my head a shake...

Nothing like a diamond encrusted vampire. Am I right ladies?

Was that two hours of my life I can't get back?

My viewing of Twilight conjured up more questions than the scene of Tiger Woods' fender bender...

On a serious note, if I may, the movie was ok.

I think I understand why the ladies go ga-ga over this movie. Maybe not...

The love story between Ed the Vampire (the undead male protaganist) and Bella (the enamoured high school junior) was sickly sweet.

The only disturbing aspect of the relationship was the ease in which she fell for him. For crissake, Bella, the guy's a vampire... you were more stoic than he was... If you can't get a case of the heebie jeebies over that fact, I can't help you dear.

Something was certainly missing in the equation.

Did I mention the cast, particularly the assorted vampires, was really sexy?

Brief suggestions for the next installment of the Twilight series: way more bloodletting, scarier vampires, at least one blood curdling scream, less brooding, tighter editing, some humour, and even more sexiness.

In other words, I want to be scared if there's a sequel.

Crissakes, it's vampires were dealing with...

Rating: 3 overdue fines out of 5.

If you see Twilight on the shelf, sign it out for sure. If not, don't waste a valuable spot on your holds list.


Steve H. said...

I made the mistake of Zipping this horrible excuse of a movie. Terrible. How many real-life monsters will find willing victims as a result? Reminded me of the Ted Bundy groupies who thought that all that psychopath needed was a little love and he'd stop bludgeoning women to death.

And since when did vampires become "hunks"?

soapyDave said...

The girl's kinda cute but I hear she's dumb as a post. The whole premise of this franchise is just idiotic!